Tag Archives: Freinds

Scapegoat Wanted

Previously on Bad Blood Bandits: Jackson and Grant, out of sheer boredom, have constructed a makeshift distillery in hopes of passing the time more quickly. Meanwhile Josh, the new attendant let it slip quite easily to Jackson his growing suspicions that Charlie was doing the same thing. Jackson tracked down Charlie and saw no evidence of this.

   “I never even thought about it. I mean, I was working on another honey for these nosey good-for-nothing kids but that didn’t work and I noticed you an’ Grant getting together after dinner so I figured it might be something to look into.”

“How did you find out?”

“Jackson, picking a lock really isn’t that hard. It might do you some good.”

“So you broke into Grant’s room?”

“Yeah, easy enough. Took a few notes on his, your, paraphanelia and got the hell outta there. Ive heard the things he used to do to his kids, I didn’t wanna stick around to see if it was true.”

“Then you started making your own.”

“Anybody ever tell you your life was wasted on being anything but a Seamus?”

“A what?”

“A detective, idiot.”

“I know what a Seamus is.”

“Then keep up.”

“I’m keeping up just fine Charlie, if you started makin’ moonshine, why isn’t it here?”

“Well, after that new kid John, or Jack or whatever-“

“Josh”

“Yeah him; after he came and started talking to everybody like he cares and

gettin’ into everybody’s business I couldn’t have that stuff in my room so I made a deal with the janitor.”

“The drunk?”

“No Jackson, the sober one. Yeah the drunk. Anyway, the deal is: I make the stuff in his closet and share half of it with him. Everybody knows he keeps some sauce in his closet.”

“But making his own? That’s a bit rich”

“It’s not too far of a stretch, if he’s caught, people will just think it was worse than they thought.”

“You mean if you’re caught.”

“If HE’s caught, I wont have anything to do with it. Besides, he has way to much

dirt on this place for them to fire him.”

“But Josh already thinks, hmm, knows you’re into this.”

“Then it’s a good thing I have an exit strategy.” Charlie widened his lips to show that self-satisfied grin he wore usually before he was busted for something and a sick feeling began to creep into Jackson’s stomach. He knew Josh was determined to have a clean watch and he already knew someone was up to no good and as long as he found someone he would be satisfied.


Feuds and Flues

Part 1 of The Child

            An appearance by his son was rare but when it occurred, Jackson was usually intoxicated with spite for weeks. Charlie was more than a little annoyed by this but, unfortunately for the home (with the exception of Charlie’s patience) there was a small series of colds making the rounds and so most everyone avoided contact with each other.

Janine of course was the exception; taking this, of all times, to be plaguing everyone with her desperate cries for attention. It was probably her fault that these colds were so well spread and no one flinched at the opportunity to blame the Banshee.

By the time their forced hibernation had come to a close, Jackson’s sharp bitterness had run its course-the way your body recovers from poison- and he was ready to spend time with people again without being too much of a prick.

Charlie usually, by the simple nature of his day-to-day mischief, dragged Jackson out of his snappy gloom but this time he was preoccupied with something and stayed in his room.Jackson knew better than to bother him; if he wanted to be left alone he was to be left alone and no one was going to argue with someone who will spike your drink with a vengeance.

It was another trickster that broke the monotony.

Grant was never much of a people person. He kept to himself and, except for moments of wrath directed at Chesley (the two of them had an incurable feud since Grant was every bit of a Yank as Chesley was a Southern gentleman), was usually quiet. Since those moments were the most anyone ever saw of Grant doing or saying anything out of the ordinary no one really had the desire to approach him. Even if they did, their expectations would be well rewarded.

Because Chesley was so easily annoyed by Grant, the latter usually stayed as long as he could after his breakfast was done for the sole purpose of getting under the southerners skin.

It was this and the presence of a new guard that caught Jackson’s attention. Not once as long as Jackson had been there had he witnessed the arrival of a new attendant so it goes without saying that this was of particular interest to him if he had not given up his duty to attempt escape.

What demanded his curiosity further was Grant’s odd activity after meals. Jackson noticed it when the flue had died down and everyone had resumed dining together again. At first he just thought it was a little strange seeing Chesley sitting alone at the table towards the end but when he’d managed to get glimpses of Grant sneaking away from the table not long after everyone else had been awarded what the cook called food.

Normally this wouldn’t raise any red flags since Grant was a loner but it was well-known that one of the few people he liked being around, as strange as it might sound, was Chesley.

When someone is a glutton for spite and bitterness, whether they will admit it or not, the people they love to be around the most are the ones that feed their appetite.

This distraction needed immediate attention and it didn’t much matter whether it was to cure his inflamed curiosity or his sedentary boredom, he absolutely had to know what Grant was up to that could possibly make him surrender his favorite pastime.

Join us next week for the usual mischief, mayhem and mythological archetypes!


The Well’s Gone Dry

(part 4 of I Wanna Be Sedated)

Previously on Bad Blood Bandits: Jackson, in spiteful rage at having been wrongly accused of assaulting a guard and subsequently been sentenced to latrine duty in a place of alleged comfort and relaxation, showed his appreciation for the Warden by spiking her drink with a very strong hallucinogen procured from Charlie’s supplier.

 Since the Uncle George* (see last week’s episode) when Jackson slipped a certain “perception enhancement**” into the Warden’s coffee Charlie had been surprisingly sober due to a sudden drying up of his narcotic source and an incorrigible hellion.

Please understand that a completely sober Charlie was a grim reminder why he needed to be medicated in the first place for the sake of everyone else’s safety and especially in this manner. A saturated Charlie was a crime to deprive the home of its most vibrant personalities so a moderately buzzed Charlie was best but by no means sober.

He had no idea why he was so suddenly cut off from his vices and since he had been in a haze for the last few weeks. What memory he had was even foggier than usual so without a reason for being hung out to dry and a growing restlessness Charlie was left to find other outlets for his creativity

Hell hath no fury like a sober Charlie.

Janine was the first target-a substitution of salt in her special store of sugar at her table- followed by Luke who was the subject of a slew of chewed gum pieces finding a home in his very carefully styled hair followed by many of the kind.

None of his creative outbursts were enough to garner the attention of the aloof and largely apathetic Warden but were quite enough to bait the attention of his dining companions whose curiosity was relieved one breakfast when Charlie arrived late and spewing a long string of curses directed at the Warden.

“Already fighting? But you were so in love!”Jackson said as a painfully lucid Charlie sat down. “You were goin’ strong for how long now?” Charlie answered with a glare. For once he was in no mood forJackson’s sarcasm. “Well alright then, what’s gotcher goat?”

Charlie explained in colorful and abrasive language very unlike his usual relaxed self how he confronted his source about the lack of drugs and how it was explained to him that he was under strict orders from the Warden not to supply Charlie with anything and that he, Charlie, would know perfectly well why.

Jackson was starting to feel guilty since it was him that spiked the Warden’s coffee and so Charlie’s forced sobriety was his fault.

Lars was going on about how it was good to be free of those sorts of things and something about a body and a temple and normally Jackson would be in some agreement with him (he never really liked that Charlie was always baked) but this was different; he would never have wanted Charlie to be this kind of sober and since it was his fault he was left with the responsibility of finding Charlie a new source for the good of everyone.

*a maneuver involving the spiking of drinks

**hallucinogen


The “Uncle George” Maneuver

(part 3 of I Wanna Be Sedated)

Previously on Bad Blood Bandits: After the burning of a guard’s foot Jackson is assigned by the Warden to clean toilets despite his bad back.

To the untrained eye, Charlie might have seemed erratic and unstable. While he was most certainly unstable, there was usually some sort of order to what seemed a mind of chaos. Jackson learned before long that Charlie used the same names for the same usual “operations”. For example, if he was talking about a breakout he would say something about a “Bronson” which probably had something to do with The Great Escape. If something were about to go missing you could hear him referring to the Rat Pack.

Most of these were references to movies except for the reliable “Uncle George”. It’s probably no surprise that Charlie had an uncle so happened to be named George and this uncle could always be seen carrying around a flask to “enhance the flavor of the drinks” and sometimes he “enhanced” other peoples drinks as well.

It was an Uncle George that Jackson decided would be his tool of vengeance and spite to teach the Warden not to give a bitter old man a job to do where he is left to stew in wrath and retribution.

After a week of carrying out his sentence he put his pieces into motion. Charlie moved on instinct, he had to since he couldn’t remember any of his plans and so he had vague ides of what would and wouldn’t work and when he saw an opportunity he took it. Jackson had to put his chess skills to work instead.

One night after dinner when and the Warden was working late everyone was engaged in their usual activity of staving off the boredom,Jacksonsaw his chance. Janine was working on her usual craft at a small table in the corner obscured a little by the fake ficus tree and got up for some reason with a mission. AllJacksonhad to do was rearrange her work space to get the desired result; it didn’t take much to set Janine off.

Meanwhile, one of the attendants was preparing the Warden’s coffee so when Janine’s return was announced by her screeching and wailing, all the guards in the immediate vicinity responded to the alarm in hopes to make it stop. This was the moment forJacksonto tamper with the coffee.

When everyone had miraculously persuaded Janine to calm down a little, the attendant in charge of coffee returned to his duty and all Jackson had to do was wait. It felt like the same kind of eternity as waiting for a pot to boil but soon enough there were panicked and surprised shouts coming from the Wardens office. Jackson could hear her yelling something about the lamp stand turning into a snake.

Jackson stopped by the kitchen to thank Virgil, Charlie’s narcotics contact, for scoring such a strong hallucinogen but thought it would be better not to acknowledge the relationship.

After all this time it’s a wonder people haven’t learned to watch their drink when “Uncle George is brought up.

Tune in next week to see who takes the fall for the Warden’s unexpected trip